This time I won’t cry…

The amount of times that the thought of taking my own life has crossed my mind would be too many to count. It could be that I have thought about it cause I let people I love down or I let myself down. Many times it was just me overthinking or my emotions would be everywhere. But the thing is I have never had the courage to pick up a blade or set up a rope to end the misery I was feeling, I have thought of endless things on how but I just can’t. What happens is that I think about all the people I will be leaving and how I haven’t done their farewell letters(tbh i don’t even think i’ll be able to start on them) and I would just be an emotional wreck for a few hours,I would cry my eyes out until I fall asleep.

I would set goals for myself like, you still have to be alive by this date. For example two years ago around may, caue that’s the time they announced it. As babaw as it may sound I used a concert to be my goal even if I didn’t have a ticket for it. “Stay alive until March 21-22 2015”

Every single time I would have that feeling of starting my final letters or would make a plan in my head on how I should be seen in my final resting place I’d think about that goal.

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