I said I wouldn’t cry..

So right now I was supposed to make a post about the BEST BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION I’ve ever had but I’m here writing on my phone sitting on the toilet crying to  myself. Why can’t I have even just one day of pure happiness? I started the day real good but ending it like this just ruins the whole thing. I got into an “argument” (as she called it) with my mom cause she  said that it is  disgusting/filthy(kadiri is the term she used) for someone to be idolizing an artist or supporting a person. I personally got hit with what she said and I just started crying on the inside, not on the outside cause I still had a few points to tell her and I wouldn’t be able to express it right if I was crying—i would look defeated(?).

First of all, I AM A FANGIRL and it hurts to the core that your parents don’t support you on it e.g. i’m not allowed to go to concerts,to buy merch,to get CDs, to go to fan parties,etc. But to say to my face that it’s shallow for me to idolize/support a group and cry for the whole duration of their concert(i went to one concert cause my friend had no one to go to and she told her tita that I can accompany her. So her tita bought our tickets.) I waited for 3 years for this moment, I stayed on twitter looking at all the fan photos that gets posted, watched the concert vids cause we only get so little concert dates and you call me shallow? I call it dedicated! I can stick to one thing that I’m happy doing and I hope that you can support what I love doing.

I actually just realized that I don’t get ANY support with anything that I REALLY WANT to do. I’d cite examples but sometimes you’d sound like a spoiled child with the goals you want in life. But I’ll do anyways cause there’s no point in this post if I don’t get to take it all out.  So I don’t know if you’re protective of me but I see the difference with me and Alliah, she always gets what she wants even if she asks permission at the last minute you’d still approve whereas if it’s me you’ll say that I go to too much events or you’d ask if I’m even needed in the event/ if it’s important to me? sometimes I resort to leave without permission or to say a different thing but I’m such a bad liar so I never do.

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